Don’t tell me I’m not like other boys. Then go and treat me like other boys.
I’ve never had a relationship with a boy that hasn’t ended with him telling me that it went too fast. Now if I were a rational and sane person, I would realize that going too fast is a problem that I have and I would take steps to correct it the next time I met someone. Instead, I tell myself that I just need to wait for someone who also feels the same way I do at the same pace. I know I can’t change who I am. I get butterflies in my stomach when I talk to boys. I smile when a boy texts me. I smile even harder when he tells me I’m cute or that he likes spending time with me. I can’t even describe how I feel when I first kiss a boy. I develop feelings for boys quickly, that’s just the way I am. I love cuddling with someone, having their head on my chest, feeling their heartbeat. It makes me feel safe, secure, and it’s the only time I really feel happy. I’m waiting for the boy who takes one look at me and I look at him, and we just know. That’s going to take a while to find and before then there will be countless other boys I try to give my heart to. I will be hurt by boys who don’t understand me many more times but I’m willing to suffer through it all because I know that when I do meet him, it will all be worth it.
I fucked it up with a great boy. We went too fast and it freaked him out. I like him, he’s smart, funny, handsome, and just everything else. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me this time, I just wish it had gone differently.
I hope you find someone that mindlessly plays with your hands and lightly strokes your legs and massages your back and plays with your hair and I hope that you feel like you’re home when you look at them